Shedding

Well, the last couple of weeks have been interesting yet again. Not by any major event but just what has been stirred up within me. It kind of follows on from that last blog about facing fears and battling some of the remnants and demons of that.

I felt I was throwing up those walls again and really couldn’t understand why? Wasn’t I through that? Hadn’t I learnt?

The more I delved, the more I realised ....... oh gosh, it’s not easy admitting this...... But I realised that I didn’t feel worthy or deserving and had a fair amount of self doubt. Of course this came to me one night in the bath - just about falling asleep in the heady aroma of Cherry Blossom and steam rising in the darkness, but determined to understand what was going on.

Why not just be open to any possibility? Why frame things in a manner that instantly dismisses whatever may unfold. Like a guillotine ready to drop at a moments notice.

Of course. It all comes back to - Fear! Damn it!

Wow - this is harder than I thought, but each day I learn just a little bit more.

So, at last weeks meditation I had a vision where I saw myself as I was when I was 25ish. I looked happy, and of course, younger. I also saw the “fountain of youth” and understood this symbolised that I am slowly freeing myself up from the weight, the weight of years gone by which in turn is making me feel younger. Hmmmm

Then the New Moon hit at around 4.30am on the 31st (Sunday). Now whether you believe in the energy or symbolism of this, I have to say it’s been an interesting time since it hit.

Not only is my divorce now final (just a little Woohoo here please), but I also found out that I have to move from this house that has been my home for the last 8 years. Not that that is a bad thing - It is definitely time for it for so many reasons, but don’t you find it funny how things just all seem to happen in big waves.

As I went for a 10k (yep!! 10k’s -woohoo) run today, I realised I was in the process of shedding. A bit like a snake shedding it’s old, cracked and no longer wanted or needed skin. The process takes energy and can be a wee bit tiring, but I’m getting rid of the old crap and morphing into a revitalised new me - a newer and younger version (as per the meditation), but wiser thankfully. 

So, watch out world!!!