Hi All, hope you've been having a fabulous couple of weeks.
I wanted to tell you about my latest epiphany and hope it may help you in tougher times.
Do you ever feel so completely consumed by events, life dramas that you begin to wonder how you'll move past them, almost like a thick fog on the freeway?
You try and tell yourself that "this too will pass" but it just doesn't seem to resonate or change the way you actually feel. You know logically that it's true but you don't feel it in your bones.
Well, I was having one of those weeks, but I did manage to find the solution, although before I tell you my remedy I'll explain the events that brought me here.
For any parents out there, I'm sure we all know the self questioning "Am I a good parent?", "will my children blame me or hate me for some of the decisions I've made?" etc etc. Well, that can only be amplified when parents are separated and accusations are hurled.
So safe to say, I've had my fair share of that over the last couple of weeks. Blah!!
This was then backed up by confusion/uncertainty around a romantic situation - and we'll leave it at that.
Then over the coming week I have the finalisation of the Divorce (Yippee, woohoo, yeah!!), the interstate move of the childrens father and the repercussions this poses for the children, hitting the 9 year mark at work and finally a court/tribunal appearance dredging everything up again, although it's all for a good outcome.
Yep - I think you're probably starting to see my life is never a boring one.
Anyway, you can imagine how i may have ended up on the kitchen floor in tears, on my knees,.... but lucky for me (and everyone around me) I don't stay down long.
And I have to say, I do believe that this can serve a great purpose. If we listen, it allows us a chance to really look at what's going on, acknowledge the 'stuff', release it and move on.
Now - the good bit - my Remedy!!
NATURE!!
A long walk amongst the trees, the lorikeets, the cockatoos and the rosellas. Stopping and sitting by the river, just watching the water flow past and the birds getting on with their day, flitting from one tree to the next.
Which got me thinking. They don't sit around, analysing, worrying, projecting. No, they live completely in the moment. There's no yesterday, no tomorrow, only this very moment. You can really see that when you watch them.
Ahhh! That's it! That's my epiphany.
Now! Right now! I can control that, I can do that, gosh, life seems so much easier already.
Of course I've heard this concept many times, but to really feel it, to know it, that's something different.
I also know it's not neccessarily easy to hold onto that moment and so i have a back up plan for when the mind starts to wonder. The first is of course meditation, and boy did I need this weeks one.
The second came to me the following day as I was driving into the office.
Bliss n Eso - REALLY LOUD!!!!!
I find Addicted and Down by the River seem to work the best for me : )
Here's to now! Right now!!!
xx
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
What a ride!!! Here it is...
Well it's been one hell of a ride these last 18 months or so. I guess it started when I was reacquainted with an old primary school friend. This bond suddenly reconnected and reminded me of who I was.
Pretty powerful stuff really.
So I set off on a journey of rediscovery.
Rediscovery of the self that I had forgotten, the self that had been buried under layers of conditioning, defense tactics and false assumptions.
I began yoga classes and enrolled in meditation classes and started to explore this new but old me.
I had long known I was not happy in my marriage and that resurfaced yet again for one final showdown.
Now, it does get a bit nasty here, but stay with me and you'll see that this is not a negative post at all, but an extremely positive one.
Let's just say that I ended up being assaulted rather seriously, undergoing two hospitalisations that included surgery to reconstruct my eye socket using titanium plates.
I know that probably sounds rather devastating and it partly was but it was also partly or quite prominently, relieving or liberating.
It was over.
There was no turning back and no wondering if I had made the right decision or not.
There was a sense of peace.
Obviously I have my moments where the repercussions play out in various situations or within various relationships, but I am now free.
Free to be me with the support of some amazing friends and family. Oh and I can't forget that according to my Son I now also have Superhero Cred - you know, being part Titanium and all.
This now leads me to the next BIG event that took place shortly after the above.
After 15 years of absolutely no contact with my father, a birthday card arrives in the mail.
Hello!!?? What is with 2010??
It is a time when of course I could do with as much support as possible, but he didn't know that. I leave it for a month or so before contacting him as I have a fair bit on my plate including returning to work after 7 weeks on sick leave recuperating.
Well, I'm pleased to say that we enjoy the best relationship we have ever had, enriched by his wife, her daughter etc etc.
Wow, my family is getting bigger by the moment.
Then another surprise.... Oh come on!! Enough already.
My boss of approx 6 years resigns and moves interstate, just when I really need the support and understanding around me with new circumstances to deal with.
By September I'm not doing so well.
It's all feeling too overwhelming and I'm ready to quit my job, move interstate or lordy knows what, but something drastic.
So, of course, me being me, I decide on a very last minute trip to Thailand with the children. Helping that decision was a new friend I had very recently met and became friends with under rather random and bizarre circumstances (or was it?), but greatly appreciated as he has since proved to truly be a friend indeed.
Oh, a week of paddling and swimming with my beautiful children in those deliciously warm waters of Koh Samui, feeling alive and hopeful again.
A chance meeting with another stranger ensures I'm reminded what it feels like to laugh and smile again and feel free on the back of a motorcycle, no helmet, surrounded by the thick humid air heavily scented with frangipanis. Another life long friend made perhaps.
So, now you know the lead up to the beginnings of this blog, the much needed backpacking trip through Asia with my beautiful children in tow.
Well, brace yourself for yet another BIG surprise.
Whilst sitting at my computer one day, deeply entrenched in writing a tender, I receive a phone call from a lady looking for her 'birth mother' and long lost relatives.
After two hours of talking, I got off the phone with my Big Sister.
Yep! Sister!!
Oh, now nothing could surprise me now - I mean really! I think a spaceship could land in the backyard and I'd go and boil the kettle and invite them in for tea!
This should be a book - no - a movie!
I met my brother (technically half brother) for the first time in 1999 and now I have a Sister.
Oh and get this - I'm a Great Aunt. Surely I can't be old enough for that.
So added to my curious but fabulous life is a beautiful sister, a gorgeous Niece and an adorable little man.
For a little girl growing up with very little family, with my mother and no siblings, I am now surrounded by family. And Love, lots of it.
I am also surrounded by my adored and dear friends, old and new that the Universe has blessed me with.
Through some challenging moments as well as some spectacularly wonderful moments, my life becomes richer everyday, teaching me to live my life in a more open, honest and loving manner, that can only benefit not only myself but hopefully the people around me.
Thank you to all of you.
xxxxx
Pretty powerful stuff really.
So I set off on a journey of rediscovery.
Rediscovery of the self that I had forgotten, the self that had been buried under layers of conditioning, defense tactics and false assumptions.
I began yoga classes and enrolled in meditation classes and started to explore this new but old me.
I had long known I was not happy in my marriage and that resurfaced yet again for one final showdown.
Now, it does get a bit nasty here, but stay with me and you'll see that this is not a negative post at all, but an extremely positive one.
Let's just say that I ended up being assaulted rather seriously, undergoing two hospitalisations that included surgery to reconstruct my eye socket using titanium plates.
I know that probably sounds rather devastating and it partly was but it was also partly or quite prominently, relieving or liberating.
It was over.
There was no turning back and no wondering if I had made the right decision or not.
There was a sense of peace.
Obviously I have my moments where the repercussions play out in various situations or within various relationships, but I am now free.
Free to be me with the support of some amazing friends and family. Oh and I can't forget that according to my Son I now also have Superhero Cred - you know, being part Titanium and all.
This now leads me to the next BIG event that took place shortly after the above.
After 15 years of absolutely no contact with my father, a birthday card arrives in the mail.
Hello!!?? What is with 2010??
It is a time when of course I could do with as much support as possible, but he didn't know that. I leave it for a month or so before contacting him as I have a fair bit on my plate including returning to work after 7 weeks on sick leave recuperating.
Well, I'm pleased to say that we enjoy the best relationship we have ever had, enriched by his wife, her daughter etc etc.
Wow, my family is getting bigger by the moment.
Then another surprise.... Oh come on!! Enough already.
My boss of approx 6 years resigns and moves interstate, just when I really need the support and understanding around me with new circumstances to deal with.
By September I'm not doing so well.
It's all feeling too overwhelming and I'm ready to quit my job, move interstate or lordy knows what, but something drastic.
So, of course, me being me, I decide on a very last minute trip to Thailand with the children. Helping that decision was a new friend I had very recently met and became friends with under rather random and bizarre circumstances (or was it?), but greatly appreciated as he has since proved to truly be a friend indeed.
Oh, a week of paddling and swimming with my beautiful children in those deliciously warm waters of Koh Samui, feeling alive and hopeful again.
A chance meeting with another stranger ensures I'm reminded what it feels like to laugh and smile again and feel free on the back of a motorcycle, no helmet, surrounded by the thick humid air heavily scented with frangipanis. Another life long friend made perhaps.
So, now you know the lead up to the beginnings of this blog, the much needed backpacking trip through Asia with my beautiful children in tow.
Well, brace yourself for yet another BIG surprise.
Whilst sitting at my computer one day, deeply entrenched in writing a tender, I receive a phone call from a lady looking for her 'birth mother' and long lost relatives.
After two hours of talking, I got off the phone with my Big Sister.
Yep! Sister!!
Oh, now nothing could surprise me now - I mean really! I think a spaceship could land in the backyard and I'd go and boil the kettle and invite them in for tea!
This should be a book - no - a movie!
I met my brother (technically half brother) for the first time in 1999 and now I have a Sister.
Oh and get this - I'm a Great Aunt. Surely I can't be old enough for that.
So added to my curious but fabulous life is a beautiful sister, a gorgeous Niece and an adorable little man.
For a little girl growing up with very little family, with my mother and no siblings, I am now surrounded by family. And Love, lots of it.
I am also surrounded by my adored and dear friends, old and new that the Universe has blessed me with.
Through some challenging moments as well as some spectacularly wonderful moments, my life becomes richer everyday, teaching me to live my life in a more open, honest and loving manner, that can only benefit not only myself but hopefully the people around me.
Thank you to all of you.
xxxxx
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